


Smiles, tears and the discovery of emotions

by 11_Sapphicfrog_11



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bisexual James Potter, Bisexual Lily Evans Potter, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Family Issues, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Titles, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, James Potter & Lily Evans Potter Friendship, James Potter is a Good Friend, Light Angst, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Minor Original Character(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Regulus Black Deserves Better, Regulus Black Needs a Hug, Sirius Black & James Potter Friendship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-14 17:14:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29299482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/11_Sapphicfrog_11/pseuds/11_Sapphicfrog_11
Summary: So basicly:Sirius Black convinces Regulus Black to run away with him and spend the last days of summer at the Potters.Regulus has to deal with a lot of issues.While Sirius also has issues but he focuses on how to handle his Crush on Remus.Everything while James just wants everybody to be happy.I don't support J.K. Rowling or any of that nasty stuff she said/did.
Relationships: Lily Evans Potter & Original Female Character(s), Minor or Background Relationship(s), Regulus Black/James Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 6
Kudos: 65





	1. 3rd year, sometime in September

**Author's Note:**

> I apologise in advance for grammatical and spelling errors. English isn't my first language 
> 
> I'm not sure if I want to consider this chapter a real part of the story because the next chapter is placed two years after this

He hated James Potter.  
Correction: He needed to hate James Potter.  
The Potters were filthy blood traitors and didn't deserve even the slightest bit of respect.  
James Potter was an arrogant prick. He was popular and allways walked around with annoying optimism, trying to help everyone. Potter purposely picked his friends to be mud- muggleborns, queers and halfbloods. Just so he felt like a good person (which he wasn't).

But Somehow Regulus found himself standing in front of him.  
"Here" James said (while grinning stupidly) after he gave the boy a bottle of Butterbeer "I overheard you saying that your Mother hasn't signed the permission slip to Hogsmead. So I thought you might want this"  
After a moment of uncomfortable Silence Regulus asked:"Why?"  
"What do you mean why?" James chuckled lightly "I was just being nice that's all." He turned around and started to walk (actually dance) away "Potter?" James abruptly stopped and looked back at the younger Black brother. "Uh...Thanks" Regulus immediately regretted saying that because Potters smile grew wider (his stupid fucking annoying smile).  
"You're welcome baby Black!" he screemed on top of his lungs and ran away so that he wouldn't have to face Regulus's Reaction.  
"Don't call me that" he protested even tho no one was there to hear him.  
He felt weird: his heartbeat was racing and as much as he tried he couldn't hate James Potter.  
But why?  
He should hate him.  
There were thousand of reasons for him to hate James.  
Regulus didn't particularly agree with the reasons his Parents gave him, but still James Potter fitted at least half of his'Things I hate' list. He was loud, emotional, overconfident and a house pride enthusiast. All Things Regulus actively disliked.

If his parents ever found out about his tolerance towards a Potter they would kill him. But they won't... because Regulus Acturus Black was a damn good liar. After all his parents still thought that their son was a pure blood supremacist and their perfect heir.  
Growing up in his environment you get special powers as Sirius liked to call it.

Things I hate:  
People  
House Pride  
Snow  
Bright lights  
"You look tired"(No shit Sherlock)  
Mornings  
Morning People  
School breaks  
Extroverts  
Abuse against housr elves  
Loud noises  
"Why are you so quiet?"  
Family (except Sirius and Andromeda)  
Death eaters  
"Why don't you hang out with your friends more?"(I hang out with Kreacher all the bloody time)  
Optimists  
Small talk  
People that are shoked when I writes in a book(ever heard of annotating?)  
Aries  
overly emotional people  
Anxiety Attacks  
Pointless conversations  
Overconfidence  
Nightmares/visions (like I got it I'm going to drown just let me sleep in peace please)  
Number 12 Grimmauld place


	2. Summer before 5th year, August 25th

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cw: abusive family stuff also throughout this fic Regulus thinks really low of himself so if it's a thing that might trigger you don't read it pls

"Please Sirius don't"Regulus begged.

  
"You know I can't stay any longer. This place is killing me!", Sirius cried in response.

  
"So You're just going to leave me?"the younger brother dared to ask. He was whispering, afraid of the response he might get.  
"I'm sorry Reggie..."

  
"N-...Please"

"Come with me!" 

  
"No"

  
"Why not?!" 

  
"We can't just leave. Where would we even go?"

  
"To James of course"

  
"The Potters don't want me in their house" 

  
"I asked James a couple days ago he said that you're encouraged to come with me!"

 _Damn it_ Potter Regulus thought _Stop pretending to be nice_

"What about our parents?"he asked his brother.

  
"What about them?"Sirius was nearly screaming now.

  
"They love us... We can't just disappear and never talk to them again"

  
Sirius started laughing out of ridiculously.  
"You can't be serious can you? Reg open your God Damn eyes!"his vision turning blurry"They don't love us!".

  
"They do" the younger Black calmly stated"just because they're a little strict doesn't mean they don't lo-"

  
"So using an unforgivable curse on your own child is just a little strict?!" Sirius was shedding tears by now but he didn't seem to care.

  
"It happened once"Regulus's face was completely neutral, like allways, looking unbothered by his Brothers outrage.

  
"Once?" He stopped screaming and was finding it harder and harder to choose words "Do you know how Cruciatus feels like?" 

_I know_ Regulus thought but he kept his mouth shut to not make Sirius even more upset. 

"I'm sorry...I don't choose the right words sometimes"  
Sirius sighted and they both went quiet for a moment, not really sure what to say.

"Ok"Regulus broke the silence"I'll come with you if that's what you want".  
Sirius face lit up and he quickly hugged his Brother causing him to flinch.

After twenty minutes of packing, which mostly consisted of Regulus reminding Sirius of all the things he forgot, the Brothers faced the entrance of the Black Manor. Hand in Hand scared of what was lurking outside.  
"Ready?"Sirius's nervousness in his voice was obvious even if he tried to hide it with an upbeat tone.

  
"When you are" Regulus replied.

  
"Once we leave we will never come back"

  
"I'm aware of that"

  
"You sure you want to do this?"

  
"Careful Siri, your anxiety is shining through" Sirius squeezed his brothers hand and tried not to cry. 

The last time Regulus called him Siri was the night before he left to Hogwarts. The last night before everything got complicated:  
They both sat on the staircase in comfortable silence after Sirius calmed him down a bit. 

"Siri can you promise something?" Regulus asked with a slight lisp.

  
"Sure"

  
"Even if we're going to play Quidditch against each other or have different friendgroups or even argue sometimes. Can you promise that we allways gonna love and be there for each other?"  
Sirius put an arm around Regs shoulder and whispered:"I solemly swear that I Sirius Orion Black will allways love and be there for you. No matter what"

It took a long time for Sirius to finally open the door but Regulus didn't complain. He just stood there quietly waiting for his Brother to contain himself. Regulus thought it was weird, it was Sirius that desperately wanted to depart from that part of his life but somehow he was the one freaking out. 

Sirius was brave, he was his Hero back in the day. He never feared to stand up for what was right and Regulus allways envied that type of behaviour. If it wasn't because of his brother, he would stay. Stay and keep playing the act his parents wanted. Bloody hell he would even get the Dark Mark if his Family wanted him to! When he saw something bad happening he turned around and closed his eyes. He didn't tried to fight the 'unfair' universe, he didn't help random people just because they needed help, he did nothing. Nothing at all. And Regulus knew it was selfish in some way and he knew that it was cowardly but he couldn't change it.

Regulus wasn't Sirius. Regulus was less.  
Less brave, less attractive, less funny...  
He was shorter, younger and quieter.  
It was his biggest insecurity. 


	3. Summer August 26th part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cw: implied bad/abusive family situation 
> 
> So sry this chapter took a while to make and it isn't so good as it has about no angst. But I promise the next chapter is going to be better!

James was pacing around the house nervously trying to calm himself down. It was about 3 am when he last checked the time but he reckoned it was four now. He convinced his parents to go to sleep three hours ago, not wanting them to face troubles on their next day of work.   
He however decided to stay because Sirius and Regulus still haven't shown up. 

_What if Sirius and his brother are in Danger?_ a little anxious voice spoke in James's head.

 _No no they aren't , they're just late that's all ,_ he tried to convince himself _pretty damn late_

  
He thought about Regulus for a moment. The boy would stay if it wasn't for Sirius. Stay in that horrible place that the Blacks called home. Now Regulus was dragged along and possibly in danger. James couldn't even immagine how scared he was, how scared both of them were. He felt his heart physically wrench just from being aware about it.   
Sirius didn't deserved this. Regulus didn't deserve this either. Nobody did. 

James didn't know a lot about Regulus, he hardly ever spoke to him except for this one time two years ago. But from what he knew Regulus was quiet, mostly in the background and attractive, like the majority of the Black family. He constantly wore a sad or annoyed expression on his face (you couldn't really tell) and never smiled.  
He was also a year younger than the Marauders so it would've been weird if James knew more about him.

"Boo!" a voice appeared behind him. James jumped from the shock and turned around with a bright grin. He felt a wave of relieve once he saw his best friend with his younger brother standing behind.  
"Sirius!"

"James!"

"Padfoot!"

"Prongs!"

"Sirius!"

"James!"...

James and Sirius hugged for a long time and exchanged about a thousand 'I love you's while Regulus felt incredibly out of place.   
"And this my younger brother Reggie" Sirius put an arm around his brother. "Regulus Acturus Black" Regulus added with a stern look on his face 

"James entertain him while I'm going to call Remus"Sirius left before anybody could protest and was on his way to a muggle phone box.  
It was warm, warmer than Sirius expected it to be considering it was night. However it was still really windy which made his hair, that was usually fabulous and cared for, all messy and chaotic. On a normal day Sirius would freak out about that but right now the only thing he could care for was to talk with Remus. 

Remus had a power that Sirius couldn't describe.A power that made Sirius listen to even the most boring things(books and schoolwork for example). A power that brought him back to earth when he got caught up in a stupid idea again.  
His smile made Sirius forget about all his worries and the way his jumpers smelled like chocolate was the most comforting feeling Sirius ever got to experience. 

When Things got especially bad at "home" he imagined Remus hugging him and telling him that everything would be ok and Sirius believed it. That voice could tell him anything and he would believe it. 

Sirius formed a shy smile on his lips as if he was afraid that someone would suddenly appear and ask: What Are you thinking about? 

_A great friend of mine_ he would say.

 _But you want to be more than friends with_ him another voice in his head spoke.

 _Shut up_ Sirius replied to himself 

_How long are you going to hide it huh?_   
_You have to tell him someday._

But he couldn't. Remus would be creeped out and everything would stop.  
The late night talks, the prank plotting, the casual platonic affection... Everything. Sirius couldn't lose that. He couldn't lose Moony, not again. 

Soon he arrived at the phone box and called Remus.

"Uhm...hello? This is Remus Lu-"

"Moony!" Sirius laughed.

"Padfoot...did you pay to use a telephone?"

"Yeah, I wanted to hear your voice"  
Sirius was thankful that Remus could not see him because he was probably blushing horribly. 

After Remus' chuckle had faded the two boys were met with silence. It wasn't awkward or weird. No not at all. It was something you could not describe... Beautiful maybe?   
They listened to each other breathing for a while, no one daring to say anything since the safe feeling might end. 

"How uh I- can I help you?"

"I ran away"

"I know... Prongs told me. Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really No. I just wanna talk like normally...if that's okay" 

"Suure"Remus yawned.

"Shit I'm so sorry did I wake you up? I just really wanted to talk to you and I for-"

"Sirius calm down. I couldn't sleep anyway and even if you woke me up it would be understandable"

"Why couldn't you sleep?"

"I was worried about you... Idiot"

  
Time seemed to fly by while   
they debated whether David Bowie was secretly a wizard('I mean come on Moony how can a person be so magical if they're a Muggle?'), discussed a book Remus was reading and laughed most of the time when Sirius noticed that the sun was rising.

"Moony?"

"Yeah"

"Can you see the sunrise?"

"No...sadly...my room is a sunset place," the two boys sighted at the same time "describe it for me?"

"Uh well it's pink and uh mixed with orange! It's gorgeous I hoped you could see it"

"That sounds nice" 

"I think I have to go now"

"Of course, I'll arrive at the afternoon if my train isn't going to be late"

"Can't wait!"

"Take care Padfoot"

"You too Remus"

*

If you asked any Hogwarts student what the physical differences between the Black brothers were most of them would say height. Some might've even say hair or eyecolour but usually the answer would be followed by a: 'they look pretty much the same'.

James disagreed. Well he did agree on the height part (Regulus was about a head smaller than his brother) and on the hair, his curls were smaller and more defined while brushing slightly above his cheekbones. Sirius preferred to have his hair rather long and wavy. The brothers had a similar face shape and maybe their noses were alike.   
Nonetheless they looked different.

_So different_

Something changed since then.   
James vividly remembered that Regulus had looked a lot like Sirius but now it was as if they were barely even relatives. Or maybe he was just to observant? How could people not see it? The differences.  
Regulus was relatively pale but it worked quite well with the dark circles under his eyes and...

 _Poor Regulus,_ James thought _he probably hadn't had a decent sleep for ages!_

_Shit... You have to say something James._   
_Regulus is already not glad to be here and now you're staring at him like... ahhhhhh ok ok but it's not my fault that Blacks are attractive as fu..._   
_He looks like a painting... is that a good thing? Like a beautiful painting. He looks so sad... ask him if he's allright. That's stupid of course he's not doing fine. I g-_

"Where should I put my jacket?" Regulus asked, bringing James out of his thought process.

"There," James pointed"Wait I'll take it".

They both fell silent again.

"How are you?"James asked after a while "Wait sorry I-"

"Fine"Regulus replied.

"Really? it would be understandable if you weren't fine I mean it was a stressful da-"

"I'm Fine"Regulus tone got harsher.

"Woah! Ok, ok uhh... do you want something to drink or maybe some food. Are you hungry? Sure You are. I'm not a great cook but I think I can find something in the kitchen... Oh we should go upstairs and put your stuff away. I'm sorry but you and Sirius have to sleep in my room tonight because during christmas there had been an...incident yeah but don't worry my room is big like sooo big. I'm really thankf-"

"Potter... Potter!" 

"Call me James. Oh Merlin I'm sorry sometimes I get caught up in my own words and I forget that I actually speak with someone"James chuckled hoping the awkwardness could magically disappear. 

He opened the fridge scanning his eyes for something. James wasn't quite sure what exactly he was looking as he had no idea what Regulus liked but in the end he decided to just take leftovers from dinner and warm them up. 

While they ate the boys barely looked at each other and James hadn't said a word, knowing that Regulus wanted silence and peace. He deserved it. If Regulus wanted to talk he would say something.

"Potter please go to sleep it's terrifying to see how tired you are"

"I'll wait for Sirius. You can go upstairs and go to sleep"

"I'm not tired"

"You are"

"So are you"

"So what? I'll wait for Sirius"

"Fine do what you want... as if I cared"

After what maybe was ten minutes James fell asleep with his head resting on the table. 

"Yeah you're not tired at all" Regulus scoffed quietly and went outside looking for Sirius. He sat down in front of the door and looked at the sun slowly rising.   
How could Sirius do something like this? He dragged Regulus along just to leave him have akward small talk with Potter while he was throwing compliments at his 'boyfriend' for an hour. An hour! 

Regulus didn't mind Remus. Actually he liked Remus the most from Sirius friends. He didn't force any conversations while they sat beside each other in the library and one time he offered chocolate without saying a word. Though Regulus was weirded out at the time, it was probably the nicest thing anyone did for him at Hogwarts. It felt sincere.   
Even if Lupin was a werewolf(he still wasn't sure but it made sense to him), he would be a good match for Sirius. 

Regulus moved his eyes away from the sun and saw Sirius coming up to him.

"So how's your boyfriend?"he asked while being fully aware that Remus wasn't his boyfriend. _yet_

"He's fi- Remus isn't my boyfriend"

"But you want him to be" Regulus answered with a knowing look.

"Oi take care of your own love life!" 

"I would if I was so terribly pinning over my best friend"

"Oh wow Reggie you're so witty, should've been in Ravenclaw,"Sirius said sarcastically"Where's James?"

"He fell asleep on the table after saying he wasn't tired"

"Come on we need to get James or he is going to complain about back pain for the whole day"

The attempts to wake up James were hopeless so the boys had to carry him up the stairs and tuck him into bed when James finally woke up. 

"Oh hi Sirius how's Remus?"he asked unbothered by waking up in a completely different location then where he fell asleep.

"He's doing well... he was a little worried but other than that pretty good"

"Can we go to sleep now ?"James asked.

"Of course Prongsie"Sirius kissed his forehead"Good night, sleep well"

"Good night Padfoot"James quickly shut his eyes and fell asleep again.

Regulus was hurt. So hurt. Why was this so painfull to watch? Sirius used to do this to him, before he went to Hogwarts. Regulus got angry at himself: Why are the words 'good night' and a forehead kiss such a big deal to him? Why is James more of a brother to Sirius than his actual brother? Why does Sirius hate him? Why is James better than him? _Why Why Why..._

"Night"Regulus stormed out of the room and went down the stairs. He sat down and spend the next hour reading a random book he found on the coffee table, trying not to think about what made him upset. 

"Good Morning,"a soft feminine voice spoke to him"Regulus right? Nice to meet you I'm Euphemia, James' mom"

"Good morning Mrs Potter. I hope you don't mind that I've read some of this" Regulus pointed at the book and was hoping she really didn't mind. Regulus allways had the deepest desire to be liked by adults and authority figures and something about Euphemia Potter just made him wanting to be nice and honest. 

"Oh no honey I don't mind at all" Euphemia replied with a big smile, the same one James had"Actually if you liked it we got a lot of other books in our library. Most of them are muggle such as this one...Oh and also please call me Euphemia or Mia. Mrs. Potter makes me feel so old!"

"Alright... Eu-Euphemia"

"Why are you awake at this hour?"

"Honestly I'm not sure... I couldn't sleep I guess"

"you didn't even go to sleep! Blimey, you could've just ask for a sleep potion we've got a lot of those here"

"I get bad side effects with sleeping potions of any kind"

"Well this is difficult... Oh I got it! My cousin used to have the same problem as you. Poor girl. She used to have visions too if I remember correctly... About a year ago she started taking some muggle pills before going to bed and it made her fall asleep almost instantly, though she still got visions and dreams..."

A rather tall man came over to Euphomia and hugged her from behind. Presumably her husband then.  
"Good morning darling... and you are?"

"Regulus"  
Mr. Potter just looked confused at him.  
"The brother from Sirius"  
The confused look wasn't gone.  
"Sirius is James' best friend..?"

"Oh pardon me! How silly... what can I say I'm not an early bird!"Euphomia's husband replied making her laugh.

"You want some coffee love?"Euphomia asked. Her voice was loud and cheerfull, however it did not bother Regulus. "Regulus? Try to get some sleep but if you really can't the library is right besides James' room." 

The boy went up the stairs, considering wether or not he should go to James' room. He was tired so perhaps going to bed was the right idea but he did try to avoid Sirius and James. If he was quiet he could slide in without anybody noticing and hope that this time he doesn't dream about drowning again.  
Was it worth the risk? He didn't necerely wanted to talk to either of them. But since when did he cared? he could just ignore them after all. That's what he allways did. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Constructive criticism is appreciated!
> 
> I just found out a new name for jegulus is starchaser and honestly if it's not the sweetest thing ever idk what is.


End file.
